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Try to talk to him about what he values in your relationship, because you aren't going to sit around and accept this treatment because it's emotionally unhealthy for you. It's affecting her grades and sports. Its very difficult but I knew this was coming.

We also had dating lady25 do distance as i decided to work in california for a few months, while she finished her schooling in Canada. I see him once a month and speak every other day, recently it's been less. I xi my bf everything dating lady25 he does the same. But still it sucks. I wanted to end it but its been hard. He had work and practice after school and the time difference messes everything up. But it was I who was leaving and my resistance who was staying. He doesn't have a phone, so we can't call, and he is SUPER busy with school, so emails either come frequently or sometimes weekly, depending on how busy he is. Things are not easy, in fact. I then moved to Virginia this past January, and that's when caballeros started getting stronger between my fiancé and I, and like I said, we started dating in February. Define Your Terms You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by defining your expectations in advance. We actually split up because we thought the relationship was too new but 2 too before he went away he came around and started everything up again.

Are you saying that you can't pursue a longterm relationship with your friend because you are 5 years older than him? I know it scares you but believe me the best things to do is to talk it out and both decide on the next move or else you both will be miserable. Thanks for this post!

Meet lady25: dating single Maltese woman from Malta (Valletta) - We have done this through, calls, text messages, video conferencing, chatting, emailing each other, and travelling together as often as possible.

The Agony and The Ecstasy... So rarely does one cliche so succinctly sum up something. Those of us who've tried can all attest: it's haaaaaard. There are different kinds of relationships across the miles and they require different things. Some start out that way, such as when you meet Mr. Wonderful at your friend's wedding in Wisconsin — and you live in Biloxi. Or, perhaps the Mr. Wonderful you've been dating for five months in Biloxi gets sent to Chicago for a six-month assignment. Or, worse yet, his dream job moves there permanently and you don't want to choose between your own dream job still in Biloxi and your dreamy boyfriend. The differences between the three are vast. You and Wedding Wonderboy are getting to know one another across the miles, while the relocations take away a known quantity. Building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. The easiest one to weather is the temporary shift — if you're committed to the relationship, you just have to figure out a way to survive six difficult months. But even that isn't easy. Define Your Terms You can ease a lot of long-term discomfort and confusion by defining your expectations in advance. For instance, unless you're looking for a casual, non-exclusive relationship, at some point, one of you is going to have to move. That can add a whole lot of stress to your already strained couplehood. So, from the beginning, set out a game plan. Are you evaluating whether one of you will move, and if so, does that mean marriage? Or are you just trying to maintain the relationship as it stands now, perhaps in a different place? Recognize that you can't compare a long-distance relationship to one based on physical proximity. But you may be surprised how much a relationship can grow — if you work at it. Late-night talks and thoughtful letters can convey a lot of what is most important in the long-term: your goals, values and dreams. But simple companionship and connectedness is often the meat and bones of a relationship — and you still have to prepare yourself for the absence of his or her warmth, smile and all the wonders of non-verbal communication. When a boyfriend and I were separated for three months, I drove him absolutely crazy because I needed — non-negotiably — to talk to him each day. We discovered this when somehow we skipped two planned phone calls and I completely freaked out. I felt millions of miles away from him really, it was only 9,000 , unloved, uncared for, forgotten... Definitely one of my finer, rational moments. What had actually happened was that the nine-hour time difference got in the way. He was in Israel and I was in the States and he somehow thought that calling at 3 a. Remember this: missing a day 36 hours in my case does not indicate relationshipial jeopardy. If a phone call gets missed or an e-mail doesn't arrive, do not assume that your darling has run off with the cleaning lady or been hijacked. Discuss your communication needs and limits. It's likely that one partner will need more communication more than the other. Be prepared to be flexible. If you want more contact than your partner, try to be less demanding. If you need less, try to be a little more communicative than you might tend to be. Meet in the middle. For instance, if he wants to talk daily and you don't, perhaps you can commit to sending a one-line loving e-mail each day, just so he knows you're thinking of him. On the other hand, be careful about relying on e-mail to resolve conflicts. The problem here is that e-mail feels as casual as a phone call, but it's permanent. The words are there in black and white. Tone, intentions and content can all be easily misconstrued. Just remember: this is a note, not a Talmudic passage to be read and re-read for every hidden nuance, message and subtext. Being overly analytical can be a real burden here. If you have an issue to resolve, try to do it over the phone or in person. You even have other options. Before Alexander Graham Bell ever was born, people kept in long-distant contact by writing words on a piece of paper, which they then placed into an envelope, affixed a postage stamp in those days, you had to lick them , and then mailed through the post office. Share the Burden However you do it, be conscious of the costs involved and try to apportion them in a fair manner. It can cause resentment if one of you foots the bill for everything. That's a doubly sticky situation since it leaves the big spender somewhat in control of the relationship. With visits, alternate who visits whom and consider meeting in the middle on occasion. Remember this: if you can't openly discuss your feelings about how you're spending money, you'll have a hard time building a long-term relationship with this person. Keep in mind that the tensions that arise now are opportunities to strengthen your relationship for the future. Make the Most of Time Together When you are together, expect pressure whether it's because you have issues to discuss or not. Don't spend so much time agonizing over and planning out your time in concert that you forget to enjoy it. Every moment does not have to be perfect or perfectly scheduled. Conversely, understand that the perfection of weekend getaways likely won't continue once a normal relationship is possible. Ultimately, a normal relationship is the goal. I met my friend a year and a half. We started to Skype about three weeks after. After 3 months he invited me for a visit. I did, but before I went I told him this visit is for a meet and to know him. We had a nice visit. He came to visit me seven months after because he was finishing his PHd. Now we argue a lot because I am not at all time consistent, which I try to do most of the time. I love him and do want a future with him but I am finding it very hard to make a decision to move in with him because of the constant argument. We call each other every day but we hardly Skype. Im in a new LDR,i met my boyfriend 3 months ago,we were so much inlove,i knew he loves me and never doubted that for a second but we leave in two different cities,hes so frustrated about us being apart in a way that I dont know if he still loves me,he recently told me hes thinking of letting me go because its taking forever for us to be together but we worked through that but since then he has changed,we dont communicate the way we use to anymore hes distant,hes trying but we are totally disconnected I Love him but im confused please help,i feel like giving up. My boyfriend and I have been friends for 4 years, and have only been in a LDR for a couple of months. Things are not easy, in fact.. But we work hard at keeping our relationship and he is planning to finally visit despite his worries about flying. It may or may not work afterwards, but no matter what, it's still good to know that we will remain friends. Just because you're apart, it doesn't mean you can't be truly, incredibly faithful, hopeful and in love! My boyfriend and I recently faced a situation in which we have to live in LDR. We both knew it was coming but had no idea how difficult it was going to be.. I believe he truly does love me but still I freak out if even a couple of days passes and I haven't heard of him. I truly try not to freak out but sometimes I just can't help it. He's one of these macho men who don't talk much about feelings and this makes it even more difficult to communicate over the internet. This way of communicating is not familiar to us, we used to show the love mainly with gestures before living apart. We have recently decided to pursue this relationship but we're in different countries, though same time zone. But because he's in the events industry, his hours are extremely long, uncertain and tiring. So we dont get to talk much. Furthermore, because he doesnt share much of his thoughts and feelings, the feeling of neglect, left out and disconnection is so strong it drives me crazy and wonder if its really worth it or not. I still have not come to a conclusion, I'm still trying to give chance to this relationship. Dating based on what could be instead of what is is depressing and pointless. From my experience, I would say to remember the good feelings he gave you so you'll know what to look for in your next relationship. Most important though because i had this, you should think about all the issues you and he had or still have, if youre still with him. Think about your religion, your diet, your health, your family, your job, money, drugs, sex, your friends, your behaviors, etc. When you least expect it you'll meet your guy that works for you and you for him! My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for 2 years than were able to live together for one but know we are both going to different Universities over 20 hours away. It was really hard the first time around. We found that it was comforting to leave skype on at all times even if we weren't always talking to make us feel closer. If you aren't super comfortable with your partner than I would suggest it. Save up money and plan trips and make sure you always talk about what's going on in your life. My fiancé and I is currently miles apart. I am in KSA while she is in Phil. I know that she need my time but I have also my work here. I have no permanent internet connection so every time we talk using skype I am in hurry and say bye bye to her. Even though she's smile and say ok take care I know she wont me to go. I don't know what to do because sometimes she misinterpret me. I dearly love her and I don't want to see her getting hurt. Constantly remind her how much you are finally looking forward to the moment you are both permanently together. Maybe a cute message each day, counting down the days, along with sweet thoughtful gifts so she feels your love for her somehow even though you are not around. A card sometimes instead? I moved to texas and he's in Illinois and he started texting me saying he misses me and can't wait to see me and I feel the same way!!! I think I love him? I said but were like thousand of miles away and he's like well work through it! I want to be with him so much! Only problem is my mom... I'm not old enough to buy a plane ticket or drive and she won't let me go with my grand parents to Illinoian because I would have to miss 5 days of school how do I convince her?? I love him and she dosnt know about him!!! Please help me I love him!!! He went to college out of state this year and it's killing my daughter. She's frequently crying and considering quitting school to be with him. It's affecting her grades and sports. How can I support her feelings and keep refocused on finishing out her junior and senior year at school, all the while, while she tries to maintains mutually important relationship? Understand she needs to Skype and text a lot. If you like him and are ok with the relationship, try to arrange a flight for her to be with her love or him to come see her during breaks. She might be encouraged more to go to college. If he's a good guy, he will encourage her to stay in school. About me: I'm in Scottsdale, my girlfriend is getting her masters in China. We Skype or communicate everyday. We help each other through colds, problems, and distance. We send each other gifts and see each other every 2 months. My boyfriend and I of 11months have had a long distance relationship since day one. He's in the military, and is stationed 800 miles away from me, and soon to be deployed within a few months to afghanistan. I've been dealing with some major depression, and have no clue what to do.. He has been very emotional when he's seen me, crying in my arms and everything... I'm broken over the situation right now and can't see the positives:. I have been in a LDR for six months now and if really hard because for the first six months of our relationship I was coudlng with him every single night and to have the one your so deaply in love with so far away so soon is kind of a shock to you. But hear we are on the 26th is our one year anniversary and i am really happy and terribaly sad at the same time i mean how else can i feel? I don't get to see him but i wouldn't have it any other way because im finishing up school and hes about to go into the millitary. I am really proud of us and also terribly sad that this distance is SO much. I mean im in wisconsin and hes in florida i moved up hear just before school started and im really feeling it so soon to our one year mark. I have been in a long distance relationship with my Gf for about two years now. We met through a mutual friend, and to me, it was love at first sight. After several attempts to woo her, she finally caved, and said she really wanted to go out with me. We have never lived in the same city, and for the first few months of the relationship, we would visit each other every other weekend 1. We also had to do distance as i decided to work in california for a few months, while she finished her schooling in Canada. It was one of the most difficult periods of both our lives, since we were both head over heels for each other, and more so because it was such a young relationship. But following the hyperdistance relationship, we were back to the grind of seeing each other, on a bi-weekly basis. In all honest, even seeing each other that often was a welcome treat, compared to not seeing each other at all for 4 months! Today, I am back in california, for an unknown amount of time, and it has been very difficult. But I am proud of my girl, and myself, we have kept the relationship strong by following a short list of crucial activities. Communication, consistency, honesty, support, and the promise of a normal relationship. We have done this through, calls, text messages, video conferencing, chatting, emailing each other, and travelling together as often as possible. This has been a huge test for the both of us. I really believe long distance relationships, really reveals so much about a person, to yourselves, and your partner. I really want to reach out to all of you in LDRs or even Hyper LDRs like me and say, guys you inspire me to keep going, to keep trying, to stay strong, and to continue to hope that one day it will all work out for the best : Go LDR hopefuls!! What do you like about your significant other? What are you thankful for? What is your happiest memory? Don't sweat the small stuff--find stuff to laugh about, share happy things that happened throughout the day. Remember that you want to marry your best friend--not just someone you talk to about the hard things in your life--both the bad AND the good! Make sure you laugh and you appreicate them. Things will get easier : Hello everyone I have been with my boyfriend 5 years, 2 of which he has been at the other end of the country. Worst thing is that we both live with our parents still in our 20s so we don't get much personal space.. I see him once a month and speak every other day, recently it's been less.. I'm struggling with it as it doesn't feel the same, I don't know if I have changed in these two years but he still doesn't have a full time job and therefore barely money, I've nearly broken up with him a few times but not got any further, he always says he might get a job.. I think our values have changed.. I think he should get any job so he has money And we can see each other more.. I'm jus fed up!! What do I do? I'm scared in case I make the wrong decision, we used to have a really good thing.. And I haven't stuck by in the bad times.. People change but usually not for the best. Instead they just get worse. I'm married and have been married for a little more than a year. I'm about to call it quits. I finally got to that point. I need that sense of hope that I can meet someone and have a family, a LIFE together that I can't have with my current husband. Seems like that's not very important. So let him go. You'll meet someone else. No use wasting anymore time. What you have said makes so much sense.. I'm clinging on for the old times and for not been lonely.. You need a life together you both want, a family a LIFE together in the same direction, you have made the decision to hope to meet that person in the future... Im hoping it will go back to how it was but nothing will change.. How are you picking yourself up and going on? I wish there was some big reason to break up like him cheating i would get angry and move on.. But im in love with the guy i met all those years ago and its hard to let go.. I just need to be strong, im scared to.. I am in a long distance relationship right now, we just talk on cam and rare to talk to cause he's always busy.. But once we talk, its like no ending... We still working it out to survive our relationships, he said he always missis me and he loves me more than i love him. Me and my hubby had a 3 months long distance and its so hard. So my advice, before you decide anything, move in with her, live with her. I have been in a long distace relationship for three years. Me and my girlfriend know each other for 5 years, two years, we were togther but for three years we have been in this long distance relationship. And this beacuse i got the chance to study in Belgium. Our relationship is just fine. We keep in touch and we are in love. But recently, I am kind of tired of this long distance relationship. It is hard to break up but this idea keeps coming to my mind. By the way i am 27 years old and she is 24. There is no doubt that I love her but i guess it is about time to move on. It wasn't really the set up i dreamed for us, but it's what we need to do so our future will be a lot better We had a lot of misunderstandings before we came to this point where i can say we're strong enough and care for each other very deeply. Trust and communication are the two keys to make LDR work. I wouldn't have the guts to be away from him if i didn't have them before, but i realized, if your partner feels the say way or have the same path that you want to take in the future, respect and understading are present, they LDR is something that really works. I know it's easy to say, but if you're up for the relationship, this is how it is. When you guys meet, just have a good time,don't discuss the problems that you had when you were away from each other, instead, just have a laugh and quality time. Cook for that person, watch a movie at home,spend time together privately than being with other people, especially if time is limited For all of us who are in LDR, just don't lose hope... Most of that time has been in long distance. I live in Alaska and she has moved to Texas... We decided early on that this was what we wanted to do and we knew it would be hard. But recently I felt as If something was wrong with our relationship, so I talked to her about it and she felt the same way. She said that she feels as if we have grown apart from each other in the last 2 weeks. This is really scaring me and it feels like if I don't somehow fix it then we will eventually completely grow apart from each other and if that happens I don't know how I would deal with it. I will only be able to write her letters while I am there. But I am afraid that while I am there that she will meet someone else and forget about me. Does anybody have any advice that does NOT involve breaking up with her? I love thi girl with all my heart and i want nothing more than to make this relationship with her work. I know it scares you but believe me the best things to do is to talk it out and both decide on the next move or else you both will be miserable. Pray, and be open about the situation-she'll respect and trust you more even fall in love with you all over again because of your leadership in the relationship. Plus focus on the blessings you have; the academy and family and let life happens rather trying to control life; I wish you the best. Appreciate your effort to pen down the issues in a long distance. I have realised in my relationship, i am the one who needs more attention, care and small sweet gestures. I am working in India and he is working in US. We both love each other equally not measurable, still but sometimes i feel i am being unfair to him. I mean i don't feel like talking at all, feel like having my space and be secluded only from him. Lately, we have decided to talk less instead keep the relationship strong by sending mails daily dose to each other. This is working for us, as i get my space and he gets regular reply to his mails. We have also planned to go on dates on skype. Sending love letters and gifts is also one option which comes handy in a long distance. We are always on the look for new ways to surprise each other....... Being in an LDR, you become accustomed to a routine. Talking at certain times during the day or week. Sending texts or emails at the same times or talking about the same things. I feel like worrying may come from insecurities, but I feel like a lot of it comes from being taken out of your routine. O usually texts at 5. You usually wait at that time to hear from them. Things come up and things happen. Don't automatically assume the worse. O would not appreciate the harsh assumptions. Good Luck : I've been searching online for relationship advice all day and found this article. I loved it, but the comments are what hooked me. I met my now bf on a dating website. We had only known each other 2 weeks and on our second date he asked me to be his girlfriend. We're now 3 weeks in and even though we live 76 miles apart, his work schedule and my school schedule make things tough. I travel to see him and I do believe this can work if two people are interested in making it work. I have 10 months left of school before I graduate. Even though this is a fairly new relationship, I love all the advice and stories everyone is sharing. I wish nothing but the best of luck to each and every relationship : I have recently Had been e-mailing for 7 months and finally met after that... He said he doesn't want us to call it a 'long-distance relationship' because they are hard but the thought of him leaving on such a vague note breaks my heart. He is beyond perfect and everything I have ever looked for in a man. He even offered to buy my an animal to help keep me happy and healthy emotionally. I met my partner on a trip I took to Costa Rica- I am from Canada- we have been in a international long distance relationship for almost a year, and I have decided to make the move to Costa Rica to be with him perminatly, I agree with the comment above, Communication is key, from the begginning you both need to set out and discuss what you both want and how you both get there, if it turns iinto a serious relationship and you want to be together, bottom line, someone has to move, and you really have to ask yourself that question, are you willing to relocate? Being in a long distance realtionship has it's challenges and can be tough most times, its important to keep faith, have trust and if the two of you really want to be together, It can happen! Kuddos to you : Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 months and have been dating for a year and 2 months. It is sooo hard and I though it would get easier as time went on but it didn't it got easier then harder like a roller coster. He isn't too far away we are still in the same state but we don't see each other often. I saw him the other day for the first time in 3 weeks, I know that's a lot better then what most long distance relationships are but its still hard and I miss him soooo much. I used to see him everyday like all day then suddenly he moved and I didn't even get to say goodbye, now we see each other every few weeks. I moved away from him 7 months ago and it really hurts both of us not to see each other I text him daily but sometimes he's busy and we don't talk till late at night. I really love him and just want to make him happy and not lose him and he is not happy not seeing me everyday or a lot more then we do. I can't move back though so can someone please help me and give me more things i can do with him to make us both happy till the next time we get to be together I really need help I don't know what to do and your help would mean the world to me. I've been in one for two years now my girlfriend and I have been lucky enough to see each other 4 times in the last two years. We decided that we wouldn't take the next step until she was done with college, I'm in the military. We had been dating all through highschool so we know each other very well. It's been really hard since my last visit though because we had SUCH a good time together and she still has three years of college left. Some times I think it's not worth the level of pain I feel to stay in the relationship, but I know that if we stick it out we will have a lasting bond that very few other couples experience. Overall our time apart will be five years. I hope that I have the will to stick it out cus she is all I want. The hardest part is telling people I know that I'm in a long distance relationship. They don't understand why I don't go for the men in my hometown that are fine for me. I am in this relationship because my boyfriend is so special and just gets me. I really like the previous comment that a relationship of this nature only cultivates your independence and your strength. We should however not fall into the trap of thinking that the relationship is just lovey dovey vacation times but you should take time to discuss what really matter to both of you and flesh out the issues whenever you see each other. I found this piece when I was looking up about long distance relationships. I have been in one for the last 9 months - meeting up every 6 weeks or so. Its very difficult as I am the one that needs the constant reassurance and go to bits if I dont get a phone call. It was really great to read this and see that I am not some crazy stalking woman and that other people struggle with their imagination running away too!!! I have known him for about 4 years and have been dating for 5 months. He doesn't have a phone, so we can't call, and he is SUPER busy with school, so emails either come frequently or sometimes weekly, depending on how busy he is. When he does email me, I'm so happy, but if he doesn't, I'm crying myself to sleep. We are both in school and have no money. I wish I could see him so badly and love him too much, but get sad at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, I feel like our love is fading as well. What should I do??? We get to skype each other once a week. Its really difficult, he has become emotionally unavailable but is still his laid back self. I have now become accustomed to not waiting for him. I love him with all my heart and we have spoken about settling down in the future. I respectfully enjoy the freedom of ''singledom'' even though im in a relationship. One thing i have learnt is that each person is an individual with their own needs and wants. You definitly get to learn who you are and what you will stand for and accept, Developing your identity as an individual will only strengthen the relationship you find yourself in if it is ment to be. I'm in love with my best friend. We've been best friends for years now. Super close, always told each other everything and really comfortable around each other. We recently started dating in February. He lives in Georgia which is also my home town, but I moved to Maryland a few years ago. We weren't dating then but we were still best friends. We kept in touch and talked just about everyday. I then moved to Virginia this past January, and that's when feelings started getting stronger between my fiancé and I, and like I said, we started dating in February. He just left back down to Georgia last night after coming up to VA and spending an amazing week with me. I knew the day he had to go back home would come but I didn't want to accept it. We are both turning 19 next week. His bday a day before mine. He proposed to me while he was up here visiting. It had been a year or so that we have seen each other before he came up this week and it was great. I'm supposed to be spending the month of July down there so I'll get to see him again but idk how long it will take until I get to see him again after that. We both cried so hard when it was time for him to go. It's tough to be in a long distance relationship and be so deeply and incredibly in love but I'm willing to wait however long it takes to be able to spend the rest of my life with him because that's how much I love him. And I know he feels the same way. He never forgets to remind me. We're both saving money and trying to finish school so we can finally move in together and get married. No matter how long it takes or how far away we are from each other, we will always love each other and wait for each other. We just have to hang in there. We've been dating for a couple months. He lives 8 hours away. We both are in school and when he's not in school he's working so its hard to talk a lot. We never get to see each other because he can't come here to houston because he supports his mom and I can't go there cause I would have no where to stay cause all the hotels there are nasty. We don't know what to do about it. At that point he wasn't so busy and stressed with his job but once the new contract started it has gradually become more stressful trying to keep a form of communication going as he is up early, gets back to the hotel he has to live in late and has a really bad signal there so calling or texting is hard now, when it used to be a regular thing. This has made me feel a bit insecure as I feel like he has backed off a bit, he wanted me to move down there, have his children and generally be with him, which I am still wanting to do but due to the stress of his work I have had to put all this on hold as he doesn't want to drag me into the stresses of his work but I feel like I am losing him even though he says he wants me in his life but he has to get through this hard period of his job before I can move down there and says not to worry if he can't reply to calls or texts due to bad signal and reception! Am I worrying too much!?! We live about 3,000 miles away. Both still in high school. He had work and practice after school and the time difference messes everything up. We never talk anymore. Once in a while on weekends but rarely anymore. I find myself crying to sleep more often now missing him. How can we communicate if he's always busy. I sometimes feel like he doesn't even try to talk to me when he has free time. I always have to talk first. Does that mean something? Hey I read about your problems with your,is he your boyfriend? Maybe you don't know either. I just thought it might be a good idea to write him a letter and tell him how you feel make sure it's a none blame letter and that you tell him you're not trying to make him feel guilty. THat way he can read it whenever and you'll feel closer to him because it'll be like having a conversation with him albeit one way. I wish you all the luck in the world. Let me know how it goes. HUgs Miss Jackson XXX My boyfriend is an exchange student from Germany. He came to Texas for 10 months to learn how to speak english more fluently. The last 7 weeks he was here we started dating. Neither of us had anyintention of breaking up. We now have had a long distance relationship for two years. We have vistited each other 3 times since he left the first time. Things are extremely hard, But we believe we can makes it. We promised that after these two years we would see each other more often, But something happened with his schooling, and unfortunately he has to be in school for another year. I graduate at the end of may, and we haven't really decided how things will go, or what will happen. Ive been to Germany twice, and was thinking about moving over there, but he also wants to come to the U. The distance Kills us, but we love each other so much, every minute we've spent together makes it worth it! With our busy lives calling each other over skype is hard, but we talk everyday we can.. I recently bought a webcam, and I hope it comes in soon, so i can see my wonderful man again. I Love you HMW! Problem is that I'd previously joined the Navy and will be headed to basic training boot camp very soon. Due to my career feild we wont be able to physcially be together for 6-8 months. She is afraid, due to past experiences with other guys, that she isn't right for me, even though Ive told her otherwise. I agreed to terms SHE set up. This is not a test of any kind and she claims she wants to be with me too, so these terms are not something she set up to get out of the relationship. I honestly dont know what to do. I love her and actually planned on asking her to marry me after I returned but Im confused on how to handle the situation. Hey I read your statement. I'm sorry that your girlfriend doesn't believe that she's the love of your life. Try telling her that she's the love of your life and try and find a way to prove it to her. Maybe you could propose to her now? I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship or anything about you but there must be a way to prove how you feel. Do you have skype will you be able to talk and see her while you're away? Maybe you could write how you feel in a letter and then she can read it when ever she has any doubts or is feeling low. You could also make her a CD or write her a poem. I'm a girl these are the things I'd appreciate. WHy do you think she doesn't believe your love for her? Was her past really that bad? Maybe it's a case of once bitten twice shy. All the best, good luck on your quest, I'm sorr you have to leave her. All the best hugs Miss Jackson Long distance is a very hard thing to do me and my bf started out that way then me moved in and been together ever sence but now back to long distance after he moved home close to his parents so we both can do school and build our lives we are happy and love each other but it hard building a relationship and getting close and having all the attention u need but then u loose it but it takes a strong headed person to wait for what they love so be very patient and let the guy get comfortable with u as well I'm a impatient person but he taught me that it takes time for it all and he is what I love and it worth going through it all the problems cause we are young and it will just get better in time good luck to everyone I've been in an LDR for 3 years now. We lived in different states when we started dating and have never been in the same state for more than 2 weeks hopefully that will change this summer. Anyways, you have to set aside time to do things with each other just like the article said. My bf and I talk all the time. Get skype or some other video chat device. Plan dates just like you normally would. We tend to get on skype, find a movie on hulu and watch it at the same time or we'll decide on a meal and a time and cook the same meal and eat it together on skype. Things like that make you feel more connected. There are also a lot of apps out now that help. A new one called Pair just came out for LDRs. It lets you keep in touch with your partner. All these types of things are important but I also find that honesty and openness is huge. I tell my bf everything and he does the same. I totally trust him because he would never lie to me. Without trust and honesty any relationship is sure to fail but it is so much more important in LDRs. Sorry for going on so long and I hope all this helps a little bit :D I just got that app after I read that post, and it is the cutest! I'm lucky because my boyfriend and I normally are able to see each other fairly frequently as far as ldr's go.... But thanks for all the advice because I'm realizing that a lot of the emotions I feel when he is away are only the result of distance, and I'm sure stress. Been talking with someone for two years and then we finally meet up and everything was great. Now, I want to be closer and I thought he did too, so while I am wanting to move full speed ahead, he's like lets take it slow. I don't understand because I thought we wanted the same thing. Now I find myself wanting to get closer to him and he does not seem available for that. I wanna be patient, but I don't wanna waste my time. So i just began a LDR with my bf of 6yrs i recently moved to a different state to go to school. I have only been away from him for abt 2 months and im already going crazy. The hardest thing is that i dont know when i will be moving back. I just want to be able to live a healthy and normal life while im here but i keep finding myself constantly waiting for a call. But i dont want to just throw away six years of my life , just like that. Any suggestions, tips, or advice on what i can do? I feel the exact same way as the anonymous comment above me. There are times that we go without talking and I feel lost. I love him and miss him and I too begin to doubt the relationship. I wonder if I can make it through and I start to muster up the courage to end it only to realize that I can't. I love him too much and I can't give in to the pressures brought on by the distance. It also doesn't help when I have people encouraging me to end my relationship and find someone local. And then when I start freaking out about the lack of communication, they do too and instantly tell me that he is cheating. But in reality, I know he isn't and I know how much he loves me. He plans on relocating here and we are going to get married. However, we still have almost 6 months to go before that is possible. I just hope it gets easier. I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend bt my problem is dat l'm 5yrs older than him. We love each other so much n we try as much as possible 2 communicate daily. The age diference is givin me a great concern, bcos l knw we can't get married. He's 24 n l'm 29, l feel like endin dis whole thing. Although, we've agreed 2 b best of friends until l'm married. I feel like a fool n stupid being wit my junior. I don't know wat 2 do pls help. Should l end it or continue wit him until l'm married? Hi Rachel, your post somewhat confuses me. Are you saying that you can't pursue a longterm relationship with your friend because you are 5 years older than him? That is not a big issue or really an issue at all. Thats so short of a age gap that no one would probably even know unless you told them. I know couples who are married with kids with the same age gap or more. Coming from someone who was once married to someone 11 years older it can work out for you two. My relationship ended not because of the age gap but ironically the immaturity on her part! Only your heart can decide that. I really did like this article, though I like the comments more. I'm in a LDR myself and it tears me apart, though we talk on skype most days, when we don't I feel like there's a hole in me.. I miss him so so much! And then I start doubting the whole relationship, thinking that he doesn't love me.. I can't wait to have him here with me, and we only have a few months left as well.. I'm just so worried, aaach! My boyfriend and I met a couple of months ago and fell in love. All was great till he had to move work related to a place that's a 7hours drive from my place and it has been hell ever since. Though we communicate everyday but I still feel as lonely as ever without him and it hurts so bad that I'm considering ending the relationship and date some-one I can see everyday but the problem is that I really love my boyfriend and we were planning a future together and I don't think I can forget about him but this LDR really isn't working out for me. What should I do I'm confused... My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. I communicated with her daily, skype, emails and phone calls. Six months of financial and mental support and three years later it ends. I was not at least suprised, she also said that I can join her abroad and she can help me but can't be with me. In life when you meet someone who is geniune its hard if your giving and you don't get the rewards of being real. I wish her all the best. I had two weeks left to join her and she dropped the bombshell by email. Just goes to show u want some people are really like. Playing with peoples feelings, emotion and life. What goes around comes around! I have a wonderful boyfriend and we live about 5 hours away from each other. When we first started dating we started things off face-paced. I knew I was moving away and was nervous what that I found myself in a unplanned relationship with an incredible man. I at first felt guilty for putting this on him but now I realize that I'm just thankful I met him before I moved away. We had just enough time before I moved to both realize we wanted to pursue a relationship and see where things go. Its very difficult but I knew this was coming. The thing is, I really love this city I moved to. It feels right but it would be all the better if my guy was here. He just came out here last weekend to visit me and when he left we both realized how much more we are in love with each other. If we lived in the same city I don't think we would have had that blunt realization of our feelings and appreciation for each other. Thank goodness something good can come from a not-so-fun situation. At some point I plan to move back towards him but this guy is worth the heartache. Are they worth the heartache and anxiety when you are apart? Are they worth waiting for until you can be together? If they are worth it then you will wait as long as you have to until you are reunited. Never for one second think it's going to be easy. But, if you are patient enough and the person is worth it, it will be a rewarding experience in the end. I have to say I am in a long distance relationship and I actually like it, I agree you both have to be there for each other, and have to be patient. We both shared a special moments, before he moved away it was job related we both bonded and was was very attracted to each other. We both trust that this long distance relationship will work, because we feel that we both are worth the wait. We communicate everyday through text or calling each other. We will see each other in a couple of weeks, and I know we will both appreciate each other more. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and we send daily emails,voice notes and of course talk on the phone and skyping is a great way to see your loved one. We have wonderful communication and always talk out any issues over the phone or Skype instead of texts or emails. If you have the dedication and great trust within your loved one then anything is possible! I recently started a long distance relationship and Its a love hate feeling... I love it because I feel like my guy is a great guy. He makes me feel awesome and we have a very exclusive relationship despite the distance.. I never had that before with ppl on the same island ad me... At the same time I hate it because we only get to see each other once a month and I feel very lonely when we are apart... Think of a long distance relationship as a tripod. There's you, her and commitment. If one of you isn't there, it'll topple. You need to be willing to commit to contacting her each, and every day. Being thoughtful, and uninhibited with telling her how you feel. My bf is not giving me what I need, and I'm thinking of finishing it. There's this ache in my gut I can't shake. I know he loves me, and I'm the one for him, but is he the one for me? I'm not sure anymore. If after a few weeks, I feel isloated and alone, and talking doesn't help... What will it be like after a year, or two years together? For her sake, if you aren't trully prepared to put the work in. Spare this girl the pain and heart ache I'm feeling. My fiance and I are separated because of my job. I moved to japan less than a month ago. It was rocky at first and I questioned if it would work. Also keeping a clock that says what time it is there helps a lot. I really enjoyed reading this. I just met someone on line that I really like and we are sort of already discussing these types of things that you wrote on here. Sometimes I still can't believe I met someone so awesome and I will do anything to try to keep this one going, but I have so many fears because of the distance. Still, all the things you wrote on here really make sense and it seems like him and I are thinking the same way. Thanks for this post! That's the thing, my boyfriend is so busy and I am too. He lives across the country in graduate school, and i'm an undergrad. We're both buys, especially him. I feel so left in the dark, i'm willing to make it work, but I don't think he understands how I really feel. It's bad enough that we live across the country from one another and it's worse because we don't talk on the phone. Texting can go to hell for all I care. I myself am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I talk on skype. I think you should try it out if you can, it might make him realize that he does want to talk to you and how much he misses your face. After my boyfriend and I started talking on skype, he wanted to talk on the phone more and i think it really made him realize how much he really missed me. Because right now he may just be trying to focus on school because focusing on you hurts he misses you! It's harder than usual at the moment and my girl feels as far away as she actually is thousands of miles right now... I know it's silly! To whoever is reading this- you're probably in LDRs, so... They're worth it all. Thank you for this post. It is absolutely true about keeping your chin up, being strong and sucking it up. As many insecurities that a long distance relationship reveals, staying positive is what gets you through. Just thinking about the things you love about them and the moments you have shared make it worth all of the tears, efforts, and stress that a long distance relationship brings. Knowing that you get to be with them again one day, getting to rekindling those feelings, getting to know each other again, make it worth it. I'm in the same situation as you are! My boy and I have spent like 8 months together before he went back to France, while me staying in China! Although I'll leave for France in 4 months, but we've already been seperated for 4! It was really hard at the beginning. I've been crying into sleep for nearly a week! But eventually I worked it out. I was taking a 4-month course in French, which ended just yesterday. The point is, keeping yourself busy is really a good way to reduce the sense of loneliness. Also, we now have this habit of sending e-mails to each other everyday, except for the weekend coz that's when we chat on skype. In this way, although it can be hard sometimes without being able to touch each other, we are at least spiritually connected, and in trace of what's going on in life with each other. Another suggestion, though difficult for me coz I'm under close watch of my parents, is that try to find back your own social circle and go out and have fun as often as you can. Don't worry, coz what I believe is that if two people are truely in love, then this passion won't die off just because of the geographical distance. What's more important is not to have distance in both of yours minds! My girlfriend and I met in Miami, she was here for an intership we felt in love. Now she went back to france. She tells me she wants to move to Miami, after shes done with school that is sometime next year. I told him in the beginning that I can only deal with a long distance relationship if we communicate regularly, like daily. I know that situations arise where we may skip a day of talking, but when that happens it leaves me so empty inside. I don't know if it's because I am so in love with him or just the fact of us being distant. He reassures me constantly that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he is working on moving to my area soon. Any suggestions on how to cope : Shanice, me and my boyfriend are long distance and I feel the exact same if we don't talk every day. I think that's one of the ways to combat the distance, is constant communication. I don't mean every second of every day, but once a day, even if it's by text message. My boyfriend lives on the west coast and I live in the midwest, so the two hour difference really sucks for us as well, but we're fortunate to be able to communicate due to his work situation. He works nights and I work days, so I get up earlier in order to communicate with him. The best way to cope is to have someone to talk to about it, someone you trust and someone who won't pass judgment on you. I hope you can find that outlet. Another thing you might try is communicating in different ways than just the telephone... I write letters to my boyfriend, and we email too. It makes me feel less alone when I can go to his box of letters and read one about how he misses me. I hope this helps. Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now and he is in Morocco and Im in New York! I just spend 5 weeks with him over the summer and will not see him until February. We do talk on skype every night and email each other everyday. This constant communication, helps so much! When for some reason we don't talk I feel the same way as you other ladies do too. So empty inside and OMG where is he blah blah. But really we want this to work, so we do everything possible to make it work. I can also text him and call him here and there to make it more like a normal relationship. Like I said I will be there in February for 9 days, then I will move there in June to teach English. In the mean time I work, trying to finish my masters and I hang out with my family and friends for support. I know you're not asking for advice, but if I were you, bring your wife here in America. Once she's here, she can find a job that will help build both of your dream house and keep money aside for your retirement in the Philippines. I'm from the Philippines and honestly, I don't think your situation is fair. I'm guessing that she's not working in the Philippines, right? She's just waiting every month for the money that you send? Not only by bringing her over here would make your relationship strong, because of course you'll be together all the time, unlike her in the Philippines and you here in America, lots of things could happen I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here , but also she would be able to help you financially. Unless of course if there is a reason why you don't want to bring here over. Are you kidding me? Of cause its abnormal. Abnormal is a sign of true love as its a sign of infatuation. Afford time the opportunity of testing your love. How do you respond to this treatment? When he breaks up with you who is the first to come back to the other? It all depends on how long you have been together, how long you have been carrying on this long distance relationship etc but my guess is that he doesn't know what he wants. He believes he wants to marry you, but because of the distance he doesn't trust you completely and he is afraid of not being able to trust you if you do get married. Try to talk to him about what he values in your relationship, because you aren't going to sit around and accept this treatment because it's emotionally unhealthy for you. The most important thing to remember is that a long distance relationship is not a substitute for the real thing. THE GOAL OF ANY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS FOR EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER PARTNER TO EVENTUALLY MOVE TO WHERE THE OTHER IS LIVING... I can't stress this enough. Even if it can't be for a year or two you MUST set this as your common goal and work towards accomplishing it. At six months, decision 'A' should be made... If you BOTH don't have this goal set as the cornerstone of your long distance relationship... So don't beat around the bush and waste each other's time but most especially your own... Sincerely, Someone-who-knows Have been maintaining a LDR for 4 years. I live in New York State. He lives on the West Coast. We see each other about once a season, usually for about a week. We've been waiting for our kids to get older and independent. We formally got engaged a few weeks ago. Its been hard being apart so much, but the relationship is strong. I plan to move out to the western US in about a year, give or take. LDR's are difficult, but they can survive the time between visits and the distance if the commitment is there from both parties. I live in New Zealand and my fiance' is in California. We have been in a LDR for 20 months, met 4 years ago in NZ at a friends dinner party. These relationships throw a myriad of challenges that a conventional relationship does not encounter. It is one thing to realize that you love a person on the other side of the world, another to decide what to do about it. The decisions can be excruciating, the waiting painful, the longing cruel etc. Then if you decide to become a married couple, who moves!! I have come to the realization that to succeed in a LDR and commit to each other you need to have an amazing amount of resilience, dedication, trust and fortitude to last the distance. In my case, we get married in San Francisco in October and my fiance' is moving to NZ, immigration permitting. So, people, if you love then hang in there and feel free to contact me if you would like too, it helps to know what others are going through. And Gemma if you would like to contact another fellow Kiwi, my email is ferrar clear. Best wishes to you all I live in Ireland and my boyfriend lives in Germany. We met at a Jamboree which was for two weeks and decided to try a LDR we have agreed to see no one else and have lasted one month apart. I am starting college and he is on a gap year so he is thinking about moving to Ireland next year to study so that we can be together. I really want this to happen but I feel guilty that he is the one moving and I am afraid of what might happen if when he moves over here what if it doesn't work What I want to know is is it normal to be worried I got married a year ago to a Kiwi. We lived together for a year, got engaged and have lived in seperate cities in the US for two years now. I want to finish my Phd in Phila and he is a professor at Pitt. I have been looking for jobs that would fit him in Phila and e-mail them to him, but he says that he can't because of his career. I have another three years in Phila. Don't know what to do... I am getting tired of this. I'm Thai and live in Thailand, my boyfriend is American and now lives in the US. He was living in Thailand before and in May, he went home but now he changed his mind to live there while I'm going to school for 2 years. We chat on Yahoo everyday and night but for me, this is not enough, I want him here so we can be together everyday. Now, being with him everyday is a wish for the next 2 years : He is coming to see me in late September and I'm looking forwards to that time but not to the time he has to fly home. I don't really know if I can deal with being apart from him for 2 years till I graduate from university. My bf of three years is going to be moving to Brooklyn in the next few months. It's an incredible job opportunity for him and I couldn't ask him to just pass it up. But I'm very scared, I'm a very physical person and a long distance relationship would be hard on me, but i'm desperate to make it work, I love this man, we very seriously discuss marriage and I love him so much more than anyone else. I just don't know how this is all going to work out. I've been in one long distance relationship before but it was only 3 hours difference and he would come to see me 2 or 3 times out of the month and would stay for a few days each time. With the one I'm facing now the distance would be huge from North Carolina to Brooklyn I would be extremely lucky to see him one weekend a month... I just don't know what to do, he wants me to move there with him eventually but I don't know how long that will take, he says he would marry me and i could move to him. But it all depends on if we can make it work and where we are financially, I have to finish my certificate program and he says after that I could move to him and he would support me while I found a job and worked on my bachelors.... I am willing to move I am just worried that things might get in the way of our plan or eventually it may be too much and one of us will break... I'm just scared in general about this. Does anyone have any advice or similar experience? I have been in a LDR for about 4 months now. It is very intense. At first I didn't really fret about talking everyday and such.. Now I go crazy if I don't talk to him every day and more than once a day in addition to texting back and forth all day.. I have noticed that now that I am the one that wants to talk so much.. HE requires it less. It really is about balance. Keep yourself mentally grounded and have a life outside of the LDR so you don't become a needy person. You should compliment each other.. NOT complete each other. Hi Sharon, I totally get where you're coming from. I started my LDR in April, and same as you, very intense. I am from Canada, he is from the US. We have been very lucky so far in seeing each other. It has been almost 4 weeks since the last time i've seen him, and this is the longest. Phone calls are extrememely important to me, and if for some reason we don't talk on the phone, I go nuts... Trying to work on this from my end, as you said, we should compliment each other, NOT complet each other. I have been with my boyfriend since july 2008. He lives in Argentina. I live in the US. We were clear that he would move here, since I went to college here and down there my efforts would be worthless. He would have more chances here. But we didn't know when. Last year we thought maybe 2011. Now it's maybe 2012. I don't know what to do. I love him, which is why it is so difficult to be apart so long. He says I need to be employed for 1 year before he feels confident he can move, since he will be leaving everything and depending on me. I keep telling him he shouldn't worry so much, but he won't even listen. I'm frustrated and sad, but he is firm. I'm working on saving up money, looking at condos for us, etc, and he won't even get his passport yet! I go there to visit, he works a lot, and we see each other whenever he has time. Skype is a great way to stay in touch. Make sure you know when you get to see him again and look forward to it. Throw yourself into daily activities, hobbies and stuff, not to keep him off of your mind but to keep going. School will probably keep you busy too, which might help. And don't let anything make you believe that LDR doesn't work ; cause it definetely can. I have been in a LDR with my guy forover a year now... I wanted to end it but its been hard. We have shared everything... I know I love him and we chat everyday. We are 5 hours apart... I miss my sweetheart... Hey, I saw your post and I had to comment. I live in Brisbane, Australia and my Fiance is from Chapel Hill, North Carolina.... I understand how you feel but if you want to make it work you can you just need to make sure you have the same goals. Luckily we get to see each other every 3 months or so which is not bad considering the time to travel and the cost. We do it because we love each other. We get married here in December and then I will move to the States after our wedding. We have been together for almost 12 months. As long as you both have an end point in sight and one of you is willing to move you can make it. I wish you all the best! I totally understand what your lady is going through and why she doesn't even want to visit. I usually get intense separation anxiety when I have to leave my husband. However, once I can't see him in the airport I calm down. I think it is the anticipation of leaving that is the worst. Once you are gone, then things are okay. I also have something to look forwards to when I get back. I have activities, like the gym or groceries, that take up my mind when I come back. Good luck My boyfriend and I were at school together. His roommate is my best friend and so it was great. Well now it's summer time and it we have been apart for about four and a half months. It wouldn't be that bad except that he's in Drum Corps this summer so he has almost no time to talk. I don't want to be clingy or demanding because that is really not my personality usually. However, I like him more than I have ever liked a guy and I just really miss him. He's like my best friend and I just want to talk to him but I can't. And he doesn't seem as bothered by it as I am. Probably because he is having fun and I am stuck at home working all the time with all my friends out of town. But still it sucks. Our relationship is weird because I'm not sure how serious it is. He is pretty much exactly the kind of guy I imagined myself marrying but I don't really want to think about that yet. I don't know how to tell him I want him to talk to me more without seeming too clingy. And I don't know how to figure out where our relationship is. So, I started going out with this guy, then 2 months later he goes on a 4 month cruise. We actually split up because we thought the relationship was too new but 2 days before he went away he came around and started everything up again. At first it was fine, an email a week and I was fine with this because he told me that internet was tricky on a Cruise Ship. Only it got to be longer and longer between emails, and only one phone call in 2 months. I can only assume it's over and not being able to talk to him to get an answer one way or another is killing me. Why did he get back together with me and is it really that difficult to send an email from a cruise ship? If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it because I'm going crazy here. Last LDR for me ever! I'm in a weird situation right now, because I had to leave my boyfriend for 2 months. Going into this I knew that it was going to be hard, but after a few weeks things just became harder. Right now we have both decided that we need to take some time to think about things and it feels like we both are upset and trying to figure it out but also considering moving on separately. But this happens almost every time we are apart, and it's always because I have to be the one to leave. I feel like I need to talk to him every day because I like sharing my life and feelings with him, but he isn't as sensitive to that as I am. I don't know how to communicate that to him without making him upset, because as long as I would pretend everything was great then we would be fine, but once I brought up any sort of complaint or concern he would become very defensive. I think part of the reason it is so hard is because we used to be together almost everyday when I was at home and going from that to not seeing each other at all has been very different and hard. This trip has changed my perspective in many ways and I feel almost as if that is pulling us further apart. I don't know how things will be when I get home, but I hope that we can still be friends because we had always been very close friends even when we weren't dating. You sound exactly like my ex GF. She had to leave for 2-3 months, then come back, then leave again for another 2 months. We would talk every day but I got tired of supporting her while she was so far away, I became depressed and resentful. I did not break it off because I wanted to see what would happen, but then she asked me if I was unhappy, and told me that she would be leaving a lot more often, and that brought up a lot of feelings so I told her that I needed some time. Now she wants to be friends - best friends - but I feel like she just wants the same thing. The long friendly good conversations, but without the relationship. I want the relationship, I want the romance and fun, but that would require her to be here. All in all the distance pulled us apart - we were so close, living together and doing everything together when she was here - now the void is so big. I need to work on myself before I can even consider being friends with her. I don't know what to do because honestly I don't want a friend, I have enough friends, I wanted a partner in crime, someone I could completely trust. I enlisted back in October because I was young, single and thought what the Hell.. I worked so hard for this girl and finally got her in may and we are so in love words cant describe it. But my ship date in in August and its comming so fast. We both know its going to be hard but I'm sure there are a lot of guys who can relate to this. Is there anything I can do to see her more while i serve the Navy for 4 years? Adam, My boyfriend is currently a deployed marine. He did the same as you.. We hadn't met yet. Then 2 years in we met and started dating. I knew what i was getting myself into, and that is was going to be hard.. I haven't seen him in 7 months! Yet he still manages to call me or e-mail me or G-chat me once a week. Being long distance wasn't so hard, but it's the deployment that really sucks because communication is extremely limited. Letters and packages take months to get to him, and vise versa. Calling is limited to 30 minutes once a week, as is his internet usage. He spent 25 dollars to call me for 20 minutes one day. If she started dating you while you were in the Navy then she kinda knows it's gonna be difficult too. Just let her know what she can expect. She probably knows she's going to have to go a few days without seeing you or hearing from you. When you do get to talk to her after long periods of nothing, let her know how much you missed her! My boyfriend and I have many forms of communication Skype is one of the best for allowing us to see each other and it's free so take advantage of it. I was able to see him for 30 minutes one day after 4 months of only calls or e-mails and it made my week. Our relationship is still going strong and we are counting down the days till he's finally out of the Marines! Communication is soooo very important while your separated. I wish you the best of luck! Talk to her as much as you can. Women especially need to communicate, it's how we relieve stress, figure out problems and connect to people. Try to keep a timeline of when things will happen- when you will be able to talk and won't when you will be on leave, make plans to see eachother. It is much easier to weather the distance if you have plans set in the future to work toward. Just be really open to her and tell her if you are upset or frustrated or whatever you are feeling and why as much as you can. If you know she's the one and you and her are ready, propose to her or even marry her before you leave- commitment is really important to most women even if they deny it. Just the fact that you are trying to figure out how to make it work shows you have comittment to her. She is lucky to have someone like you. I met my current girlfriend five weeks before she was to go to the US, initially it wasn't serious until the night before where we admitted out feelings for each other talk about a kick in the bollocks , so she went out and practically texted me everyday and i did the same replying even with the 5 hour time difference i'm in europe. He is in US and am from the Phils. And yes, we have the skype,social networks,and cell phones,we maintain the communication. We have 14 hours differences and both of us has to adjust. We have been dating for 15months and because we are both Christians,we are holding on to God that we will be together soon. It is so hard to hold on to a thousand miles away relationship. I'm going through a similar thing, my long distance relationship started 3 days ago, I'm very young but I don't feel age should make a differnece in how I feel. I said bye to him and everything and it was really hard.. He's hardly ever online and him and his friend hang out everyday, I'm glad they do, I just wish I knew his secret to how he gets over this, because I surely can't I cry whenever I see something and then to add more cherries to it, I'm extreemly homesick. I miss my mom, if I was with here, she'd make this a whole lot easier, Can someone please help me and tell me how I can get over this feeling. I am right there with all of you. I live in the States he lives in Europe. We've been together only one time for two weeks. I'm hooked and miss him terribly. That was six months ago but we talk every day. Thank goodness for technology: IM, Skype but I'm finding I need more of a connection. He is so busy and often so tired at night that we don't talk very long anymore. The adjustment from hours each day to minutes every few days is becoming harder and harder. I can't help feeling neglected or anxious about whether he has changed his mind. What I have to constantly remind myself is to be loving, encouraging, supportive, and give the relationship space. It is difficult to keep reminding myself of that but it has worked so far and I feel the right thing to do despite my insecurities about the relationship. I appreciate hearing from others -- it actually makes me feel better in a way to know I'm not alone. I am also in a long distance relationship. I moved to the US in January im from Europe and just got back to my home country for a few weeks. But tomorrow I'm leaving again. I'll be back in December but I'm going to miss my boyfriend so much! Does anyone have that too? I just litterally get homesick, throw up and get really depressed. I did survive the last 5 months, but I just don't know how to survive the next 6 months. He's busy all the time while I'm home missing him. I'm so depressed : The time difference 9 hours makes me even more depressed. What am I supposed to do?? I'm from the US and I met my fiance at a summer work place last year--we were working in the same facility--and over half of our relationship has been through skype, because he is from Europe as well. It was about five months before I got to see him again for only three weeks, and now we are engaged, and it has been almost five months since I have seen him, but I have to wait at least three more months before he can come back to the US, when we will finally be able to get married. The point is, I know it is hard, honey, but if you stay calm and simply trust in yourself, and trust in him, you guys will be okay. Pray for strength, patience, endurance, and love, and it will all work out just perfectly. I know it is really hard to be patient while you wait for him and wait to go back to your country, but if you just take a few deep breathes and remember that separation is only temporary, you should be okay. I'll pray for you, and I hope I could help, if only a little bit. ~Eliza im going through the same thing. I just moved to europe 3months ago and I havnt seen my boyfriend since... Im actually getting treated for depression. Some days I feel like Im going to go completely crazy cos I need him near me. I thought that I was alone in this, but is the entire depression normal? And what am I supposed to do to get better, does it ever get better??? Right now I am in a temporary long distance relationship and it is still really hard. It is so easy to get angry when he is too tired to facetime. Lately, he has just stopped emailing. We still IM and phonecall occasionally, but emails were where we could really hear about the other's day and all the things that were going on. It hasn't been a really long time, but I still don't like this angry feeling. I love him so much, and when we are together everything is how I always dreamed a relationship would be. He's my best friend, I just feel so angry at him right now because he just doesn't communicate as much anymore. I wish there was something to do about the anger, but we've had to do long distance before, and that time I used to always tell him when I was angry and it just caused huge fights and pain. So I am trying to keep this to myself and not whine to him to much, but it is hard. I want to marry this man, he is so wonderful. But having an ocean between us and 7 hours of time difference makes communication a real hardship. Anyway, I wanted to vent, and then to say that even through all my anger and sadness and lonliness, I still believe that this is going to work and be okay. This article actually really helped me understand that sometimes I am blowing things out of proportion and that I am only hurting myself when I do this. Long distance is hard, but if it is true love, we will all make it through. We only have a 3 hour time difference, but even that still makes it really hard. Between our summer work schedules and everything else crazy in life it seems the time we have to talk or skype gets erased. I love him so much, and I know he loves me but the distance makes it harder to tell I guess. I know we have the rest of our lives together, but what I really need is him with me now. What's worse is I know I will have at least two more summers ahead of us in the exact same situation and that even if I get to see him soon the same situation will just be waiting in the distance. So, I guess we just have to remind ourselves that since we love them and are planning are lives with them that the pain now is worth it, because if we get through this than the happiness we can have together is priceless. The best thing to do, is have confidence in your relationship. Have confidence in him and in yourself that the love you have will endure. If you can get through this, you're very much ahead of couples who see each other regularly. Their challenge is minuscule compared to yours and the trust you will build can say more than theirs. There will be moments where you will be sad, and yes, be sad. Let that emotion out. I'd be concerned if I wasn't sad at some moments, but have it only last a day. After that continue your week, keep busy. That way you'll have much to tell him when you talk to him. Time will appear to go faster if you're busy. Wish you the best. Just think about all the great times that you have had with your special some one and what he or she has done to show how they love you and all the special things they have done for you. You cannot have a relationship if you dont tell each other everything. A California WE ARE ALWAYS TALKING TO EACH OTHER CUZ FOR ME NOT TALKING TO MY LOVE IS LIKE HELL I NEED HIM AND SOMETIMES WE ARE JUST FIGHTING FOR NON SENSE REASONS AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHEN IMA HAVE A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM BUT I HOPE ITS SOON CUZ IMEAN HOW CAN PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS KNOWING YOUR LOVE IS FAR AWAY FROM YOU NOT HAVING TO HAVE HIM THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM AND FOR ME EVERYDAY I CRY I BEG GOD TO GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE WITH HIM AND I HOPE ITS ONE OF THIS DAYS. Being in the military, my wife and I are quite used to being in a long distance relationship. We're able to spend long periods of time with each other, but then we also have to endure long periods alone. She's the absolute love of my life, and there's nothing in the world I'd want other than her, so, although it's not the ideal situation, it works just fine for us. Of course we'd prefer to be together, but understanding the trust and future that we both share makes up for more than any good looking girl could somewhere in my immediate area. We make a point to call each other a couple times each day, skipe, write letters and send them in the mail, have over-the-phone movie dates every Sunday night, constantly send each other Facebook messages, and surprise each other with random gifts. It's not the easiest thing in the world, but it's not the hardest either. I love her with all my heart, and we both know we want to be together forever, so now it's just working out the details of how we're going to have fun with each other along the way and keep it interesting. Both of us put a little bit of effort forth everyday, and it works just fine. I think with most couples, the question isn't CAN it work out, but rather DO both individuals truly, deep down, want to fully commit and put a little daily effort into the relationship. Quit thinking about yourself all the time, and fine joy in thinking about what would make the other person happy... Also, neither one of us other questions the loyalty of the other... I don't have to. If this is a problem for either one of you, find a new mate. Well, I met my loving Fiance in Ohio. My mom has died and I moved to Ohio and I met her there. Let me tell you. I've made her cry, she's made me mad. But, in the end our love remained. If it didn't we wouldn't be together. Let me tell you guys, if you're finding your Long Distance Relationship hard. It's suppose to be. Not everyone can do it. When I met my girlfriend she has never really done long distance, I had. I remember, I was going to take her to dinner, but I had to move back down to Texas. She cried, I felt empty. But, I wouldn't change how our relationship turned out. It's an amazing relationship and it's made me a better man to the date. I miss her dearly, and I can't wait to see that beautiful face, or amazing smile. Don't give up on love! Even if you've given up on relationships. I have to go. Hope this helped or inspired someone. And both times ending with break ups. Funny thing is that I was so sure about our love, strenght of the relationship and about the fact I have met Mr. Perfect I want to spend my life with, that I did not admitt such possibility at all... But I went for a clerkship for 6 months, we had a chance to meet only once in this period and as I started to face everyday problems of my new life, new culture, work stress, people etc. I started to be extremely demanding on his re-assuring he really loved me, wanted to be in contact every dayat least by email, wanted to hear that everything will be all-right, that he got frighten and broke up with me. Later I found a boyfriend in the place where I stayed. Also lasted only several months after I got back home. My partner and I have a long distance relationship. Which wasn't the case until last Oct. We have been together for 5 yrs. She took a job in her hometown and to take care of elderly mother. The distance is 6,000 miles , I am in VA and she is rural NY. She is more needy, hates her new job and wants to talk all the time on the phone. I try to be patience and understanding but find that I become short and inpatience with her. Truly not sure if this distance isn't going to kill the relationship. I've just started a relationship with someone who may be moving to the southeastern US from Arizona where we both are at the moment. When he leaves we will be together all of 2. He will be working on a medical fellowship while I complete my dissertation and the PhD process August will begin my final year. Since I'll hopefully be done by next May, I think this long distance thing can work. But I'm curious about how it could work when we have 3 month stint as the basis. I love this guy to bits.. I never really believed in or pursued long-distance relationships. Their very mechanics defies the purpose of being in a relationship: after all, what's the point of being committed to someone, if they are not actually there! That having been said, I have been so far two in long-term, self-defining! They both started normal, around the 6th year one of us had to move away. They both more or less played out the same at the end. Different time zones made communicating harder - work stress and the loss of patience that comes with age made us less willing to compromise. The similarities between both of my experiences have been quite striking - although with two very different individuals and under very different circumstances. On the other hand, we do have to accept the fact that people are getting more and more mobile these days and for the right reasons. So, the probability of finding yourself in a long-distance relationship is higher than, say, what it was 20 years ago. The question is what should you do if you find yourself in such a position? In my case, I just went with it. The first time, out of hope. The second time, it was partly hope and partly out of regard for the good 6 or so years we had previously spent together. Would I do it again? Or rather I would avoid it as much as I could. Then again it seems people get what they avoid most - becomes kind of a pattern in my case. I started with me moving to a different country within Europe, then a partner moved to a different continent - perhaps the next one will move to a different planet for all I know! But it was I who was leaving and my boyfriend who was staying. I had one summer with my love and we did fine. Then, I had two summers without him, and we were fine. It will be a lot of work, but if you and your girlfriend truly want to be together, and work at it, you will stay together. It hurts so much, and will hurt more than you expect. Just know that as long as you have her, you haven't lost. I wish you two the best. Four years goes by a lot faster than you think. Over a year ago I started dating the most amazing man in the world, 7 months into our relationship he left for graduate school, 2 hours away, we get to see each other most weekends. We are planning on getting engaged soon, and married in a little over a year when he is finally done with school. I would have to say the biggest thing keeping us together is trust. I know that no matter what, he loves me more than anything. But, don't get me wrong, it is really hard to keep it up, so that it where communication comes in. Good luck, no matter how strong your relationship is..... Keep the faith, keep the love and most of all, enjoy the time you are able to have together! I think it is extremely important that when you do spend your time together there is a sense of normalcy. Some of my favorite times I have spent with my boyfriend are when we are lounging around or even going to the grocery store. The relationship should grow the more time you spend with one another. Some days are going to be harder than others, as in any relationship. Take it slow and get to know each other as much as you can with the time you have, whether it be in person or through a computer. My boyfriend brings out the best of me and makes me strive to be better, healthy growth together and apart are vital. No worthy growth can happen without the foundation of trust, respect, honesty and loyalty. If only my fiance had seen that before she decided to break my heart and throw in the towel of not only the engagement, but also the relationship. I feel as though maybe if i had gone back with her to the states, then she would not have given in to her loved ones' pressure. I also feel as though she doesn't give me enough credit regarding my feelings towards her. Sleepless currently im in LDR with my 2years boyfie. As if i no longer know him or even myself for that matter. We fight more often than not and somehow it is 'MY Mistake'. I feel tired and very low about myself. Watever i do or however i try to overcome all of it, i just keeps coming back. I have a darkness i no longer can hold. I know he is the only guy who understands me, lovs me truly but now those sweet nothing moments are no more. He finds everything more important than me. I feel terrible for both of us. Sometimes i wish this all never started. He is very young and wants to live his bachelor life, but being older to him my situation does not allow me to give him time. He knew he wont get that time and was OK with it, but now when the time of action has come, he has started regretting all that he will miss. We are not at the same place anymore and somehow i am blamed for this. Watever he did earlier brought me confidence about him but now he has started to claim those moments as a favour to me. I dont know wat to do. I just live in a hope when we will be together everything will be blissfull although i am not very hopeful as i know things have started to end. We are just carrying the corpse our relationship around. We are 'Terrible Two' I just ended a 3 month LDR; I am in NY and he is in London. We were set up by a mutual friend. He flew to NY for a weekend, I flew to London for 5 days and then he flew back to NY two weekends ago. We were in touch every day, at least by e-mail and skyped at least twice a week. On his last visit, I asked where it was going as it had been 3 months and I'm in my 30's and am not looking to just play. He said that if we continued, we would find a way to spend more time together. I thought it was a positive conversation, but a week later he called from London and said that he thought about it and while he thinks I'm wonderful and we have a great comfort level, he doesn't think we have a strong enough emotional connection for either of us to have to devote significant time to see each other and he doesn't want to lead me on. I am very sad and am worried that I might have pushed him too much given that we had only seen each other three times. My friends think he is not looking for something serious and it was good I figured it out now. He has great bachelor life in London, nice apartment, big group of friends and loves going out to party. For those who are in LDRs, did I push too soon or was he just not ready or I was not the one? I, like the others on here am in a LDR with a wonderful man who happens to live in Canada and I'm in Colorado. This is a first LDR for me, it is alot harder than I thought. We've only seen each other 2x, but we talk and text at least several times a day. We care about each other so much, it seems lately things have been tougher for me- time,separation- all the things that come with a LDR. It's nice to know I'm not alone, even though I sometimes lately actually I feel lonely. I met my bf online, but we've only seen each other twice in our 3 years we've been together. Its really hard too because I have school and can only see him in the summer, and he doesn't have a job at the moment because he is helping his family right now. The only times I ever got to see him is was for 3 weeks for my birthday and for 2 months in the summer. But the hardest part about this is that if he lived in the same country as me I KNOW I would be able to see him more, for he lives in Colorado and I live in Ontario : It's soo hard sometimes the extreem desire I feel for him and how I wanna be with him soo bad but I cant because he is a long 24 hour drive away... As hard as things get though I would never leave him for anything in the world, and thanks all for everyone who puts there stories up because it makes me feel like im not alone and there are other people in the world suffering in the same way as me and understands how I feel, thanks and good luck with all your long distance relationships! I am currently under a long distance relationship and it's very tough. There are a lot of bumps on the road and its driving me crazy. He became very controlling and he became very grumpy. We fight everyday and it takes more that 4 hours of fightings. Another guy came into the picture and made everything worse. It came to a point that I love them both and I really dont know who to pick. It's like Dream guy versus Mr. I dont know what to do. I met my boyfriend, online he lives in upstate ny. It's a little harder for him because he of his job. He talks about me to his unknown friends. It a four and a half hour drive, but i'm used to it now. He calls me after work and before bed, he spoils me very much. It's hard, but he's worth it. He treats me like a princess, and he says he's not going anywhere, and he will not break up with me. I have been in two long distance relationships - one that ended when we moved to the same city, and a year later got married. Having activities in common, trust even if they are in the same city they can still be cheating! If you found the right person, it doesn't matter how far away they are. It's really and truly extreeeeemeely haaaaaaard and at times i feel like i want to shoot my brains out. I also wonder if it is worth it when i start having all these question marks running thru my head. I don't know how long i will be able to handle this until we meet for the very first time and gradually work things out to start livinving together. We met online 11 months ago and as she is currently finishing studying at the uni,we still have to hang in there until she can relocate with me. I live in Canada and she is in Spain. We have been together for almost a month now and are going on a vacation to see family and friends for a week and will return to her leaving for this job the very next day. Everything has happened so quickly and we have decided that this will be very hard but we don't want to regret not trying. I have asked the question in my head over and over why is this happening to me. Then i try to turn around and find the good in it. I have alot at home I need to handle and alot going on not to mention a child that i have joint custody of and if it ever comes down to wanting to move to be closer to her working that out will be a small battle but I would do it if it all becomes worth it and the relationship remains strong. It's only time right now to put in a lot of effort and a lot of understanding and a lot of FAITH, HOPE and TRUST!!! My friend lives in an assisted living place 3 hours from me.